The boys sat together thinking about the poor man. They were sorry that things had happened the way they had, and they still felt a little bit guilty - they hadn't meant for anything bad to happen. Jack sighed. He had learnt the hard way that it wasn't always a good idea to go with the crowd and he wouldn't be making the same mistake again.
...Three weeks earlier, Jack had been walking to the shop with a group of his friends. As they passed the old railway bridge, they had spotted what looked like a bundle of clothes next to a rusty, old bin. Jack stared at the rags intently, until, to his surprise he saw a pair of eyes blinking back at him. He hurried on, to catch up to his friends.
Continued part:
When Jack got home that day, he couldn't help but think of those eyes staring back at him. He barely touched his dinner, thinking about that poor man all by himself and wondering whether he would eat tonight, or even tomorrow. When he had done his homework, he lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep.
2 comments:
Hey Thomas
Nice continuation of the example. You really need to add more sentences make it flow. Also ad something that happens because it looks like there is no problem.
Hi Thomas, this is a very well done piece of writing! I like the fact that you used show not tell and how you described how the boy didn't eat his dinner and couldn't sleep. You hooked me in so much I wanted to read more, also the way you continued the paragraph keeps the story going in the same pace.
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